Everything and more

I would give everything and a little bit more,

to feel your hands swimming through my hair

While I Submerge myself in the dream realm.

I dream of your voice and of your eyes when you looked at me. I dream with the silly little jump you did when you danced and even with that disproportionate anger that doesn't seem as important anymore.

And missing you so much, I stop and think, I won so much with you! Ah, but I also lost so much , and I continue losing with you gone.

Oh, how I miss you, my infancy stud;

how I love you, hero of my days!

You ask, How much I would give to have you close?

I would give everything, Dad;

I would give everything and a little bit more.

Fat girl

She’s zipping out of her skin to walk freely into the world she always secretly wanted, but believed she didn't deserve because the mold was too small for her and she, according to them, just has a pretty face.

     Label here label there and the “fat girl” ends up trapped in a web of barbed wire that slashes ruthlessly her body, mind, and soul. Smiling and joking is part of the facade she has built in order to protect herself, but don't be fooled by that smile, she's breaking apart.

    Truth is, her wings are somewhat broken at the time, all the looks, the hurtful names and the constant feeling of being left behind, have made a number on her mind.

    What happens with that girl that is too big to fit the little box that was put in her hands and that has tried a thousand different ways to please the popular demand?? She sometimes finds herself dragging her feet through life and other times you may find her fidgeting non-stop feeling exposed, vulnerable and scared.

     She tries to embrace her life with her two new “best friends” one that keeps her in the past with tears cascading down her face and the other, locks her in that panic room called Future. Depression and anxiety, are the time traveler intruders that hold her back and keep her from enjoying her now. They keep her timidly dreaming with finding something to fill the void, someone that will truly see her, someone that will notice that she is smart, talented, loving and BEAUTIFUL.

      She is a garden full of colors and life. A whole bunch of life has been bubbling up inside and she wants to be able to let it all pour out. She is stronger than you think, as a matter of fact, she is even stronger than she thinks; she can tear that fucking box only with the strength of the muscle inside her chest. Her heart has grown strong like a rock yet it still keeps softness inside.

     She is that fighter that would give her life for you. Stop putting her in the corner, allow her to share her Self, allow her to live her life and give her the space and love she needs and deserves.  I can assure you, that once you get to know her, you will never walk away.

Naked

Fighting my demons

Excerpt of the poem "I vow to you"

Destiny

Insecurities

Rainbow

Unknown

Perfect fit

Addicted excerpts

Take your pain away

Borrowed love

Today carries at heart
the vivid memory of the past.
Distant story;
constant worry
that With sorrow flooded life.

Distressed welcome,
bygone thoughts
make me shiver and bring back
how important it's being apart.

In my memoir, I must share
the antiquity of the insane.
And apart this time around
we can visit what was found...

This poetic,  rough embrace
in remembrance of our space
that not long ago we shared,
Honors history of the time
And the love that we once borrowed.

Drowning

Dawn's autumnal

display of beauty

intensified the bond

with its consort, ocean.

Touring the offing as perceived

searching comfort as light dims.

Breath sails in the billow

rapidly drowning in the brine...

Swept by current,

pushed by tide

waves of impact preview.

Flux is struggling,

nothing's glowing

deep beneath

the endless sea.

Go ahead

The moment I made

the greatest decision in life

was the moment I chose

to welcome you in my arms.

It is because of you,

that I want to be better;

that I want,

to always do better.

You have helped me grow,

mature,

and overall,

feel better.

Admiring your success

will always be the best.

Please never forget,

how loving you is my pleasure

and how my life’s purpose

is making sure  you’re successful.

My fight against my mind

had always kept me in the dark;

but your presence in my life,

has helped me find light.

I want you free and strong;

I want you happy

and truly alive.

For that it’s not enough,

to simply have life…

You should never just survive.

You must spread joy,

be humble and thrive.

You must be daring,

be caring,

have fun,

and enjoy life.

You becoming my minion,

has never been my intention.

All I ever want,

Is for you to fulfill your ambition.

Guiding you and loving you

has always been my north

and be sure, my treasure

I will forever help you go forth.

Grow strong, my dearest;

stand tall, my love;

find all the beauty, my darling;

you are my gift to the world.

Go ahead, my baby

never stay in the bottom;

go ahead, Alexa;

go ahead and blossom.

Perfect imperfection

How can you be everything

and in a blink of an eye

nothing at all?

I don’t do black and white,

I dwell in the grays in between.  

I will never understand,

how you're able to erase;

for me,

it is unthinkable

to eliminate

any human being

as if there was no energy,

love or time to share.

I believe in building people

and holding their hand

when they necessitate.

To turning your back

I will never consent.

If you look hard enough,

inside them,

there's always something to love .

And when you find the good

and the beautiful within them,

make sure you express it and to be better give them strength.

Let your words become

the ground, the solid ground

they build on...

and leave everything much better

than it was before.

Beauty is all around us;

all we have to do

is give it love

to beautify it all

even more.

I refuse to regret loving

because love is air

and it keeps us moving.

So, here's my gift to you...

Your beauty lies

in the shine in your eyes,

It is deep within

your genuine smile.

It lies in the way

your hand feels

and in how it heals.

It is to admire,

how passionately you express

and your beliefs how strong you defend.

A few unpreferred things

also come to mind

like how stubborn you can be,

and how blunt you are

especially when upset;

and how you make assumptions

based on little lies you tell yourself.

There's that distance you take for days,

in order to protect yourself,

and how you get scared

and push everybody awAy.

With the good and not so good...

You are perfect imperfection.

 As I search for the impact

I might’ve had in your life

Not making you happy

saddens my heart.

 With hopes that you have found

everything that you need and want

I hereby find myself,,

sending love your way...

I vow to you

I wish I would have met you sooner

so I would have under my belt

many many years of happiness…

I want to count more looks,

more hugs,

longer conversations,

more mornings,

way more nights

and much much longer kisses...

I want to hold you tighter,

help you better,

feel you closer

and love you stronger

every day of our lives.  

I vow today to take on and love,

all of you...

Your fears,

your dreams,

your hopes,

your everything...

Because each one of those

are what made you

so astonishingly beautiful in my eyes.

I promise to celebrate each day,

all  the greatness that surrounds us

but I will also do my best

to learn from every little darkness too…

 I vow to get better every day

because you deserve the very best.

I can’t promise perfection

but I can assure you that my current

will always be chasing that horizon.  

I once heard that Utopia is constant walk,

that it is constant change!  

In my walk toward reaching utopia,

You are definitely

many huge steps in the right direction!

Everything we have had up to now has been amazing

but today

I can confidently say

that all those years are nothing

compared to the countless exquisite ones

that we will share.

As Beau Taplin said:

Sometimes, home has a heartbeat...

You are my home,

my sun,

my queen,

my everything…

today, tomorrow and always.

I am forever yours!